Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I understand Curling. That high.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
