i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
