she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
