was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
