I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
