Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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