He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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