I wish my penis had an off switch
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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