So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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