yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize