So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
