Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
