whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize