I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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