I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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