Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
