trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
