My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
