we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
