Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
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