Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize