is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
i believe in u and ur pee
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
