normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
