i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Randomize
