whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
