dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
