Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
