Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize