there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
