if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
