How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
