Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
