Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
