is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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