Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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