I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
