kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
