names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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