i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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