I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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