It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
