I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
