We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
