That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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