Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
