dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
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