apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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