Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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