so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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