Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize