Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
