And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
