The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
