I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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