this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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