He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
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