You can't special order awesome
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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