The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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