i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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