Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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