We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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