So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize