You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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