Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
