There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
