how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
