At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
