I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
