i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
