Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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