the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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