I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
