Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Randomize
