I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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