Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
