I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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