i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
