I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
