living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
