woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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