that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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