Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
