College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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