Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
