the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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