Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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