My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize