i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
