I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
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