sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
