dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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