Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
