my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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