ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize