Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
