Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
