Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
