Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It's blow job season.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
