I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
