i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
