When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
