i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
There's always time for handjobs
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
