If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
