he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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