this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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