if i can run in heels then i can drive
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize