i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
