yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
