drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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