Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
