you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
