and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
No subtext here. People are naked.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
