I didn't shave. On purpose
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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