he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
