check it out our google latitudes are spooning
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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